How to Screw Up a Perfectly Good Joke

I got an email today from an alert reader who sent a link to the Comics I Don't Understand website. This site, for those unfamiliar with it, is where you go when you've got a comic you don't understand, and you post it and a discussion follows in the comments section where other readers try to unravel the mystery of said strip.

The alert reader sent me here , where the above strip is considered. And I was shocked, shocked. Because that's not how the joke I thought I wrote went at all. I used an old rough for this, one I did about a year ago. It went like this-

Now that makes more sense, and it's subtle, and warm and funny, yet pointed and full of heartache. OK, it's not any of that stuff, but it does make a bit more sense and it doesn't sound as unsavory as the final version. There are "Kiss and Learn" signs in front of schools around here to mark where you can drop your child off, and they parody the "Kiss and Ride" signs at evey Metro station in DC. So when I redid the rough sketch last month I carefully did it wrong, and when I did the final I lettered it in wrong again, thereby blowing the joke entirely. Proving that I don't read what I write, though my wife did ask me about it, and I sat there and read it again and didn't see anything wrong with it.

But I am kinda proud to be on the Comics I Don't Understand site for the first time. And probably not the last, either

My Yard These Days

Every one of these is drawn from life, especially the last one. We once kept Christmas lights in our big shrub in front till summertime, and I snuck out one night and pulled them out, hoping nobody'd see. We should've just kept them there and plugged them in, like it was intentional. Nothing much in our yard is intentional.

Ciao, Balloons Blog

Do I make less sense in English or in Italian ? I know for sure it sounds better in Italian.

Cartoon Appreciation Week

I figured something with wiggly lines would be appropriate after the earthquake, so here are two masters of the inky jitters, Ed Koren and R. O. Blechman. Back when, I tried to draw like both of them, sometimes simultaneously, with unsatisfying results (about the third drawing I did for the Post was one where I tried for Blechmanian spareness, but I over-did it and the drawing practically evaporated in printing; I thought that was the end of my career right there). But nothing'll free you up from the awful tyranny of a neatly inked line like these guys.

That's not exactly true, their lines are perfect, it's just that neatness doesn't count. Koren draws the spaces in between things and his lines jump from one to the next like electricity, but slower, like dust motes. And Blechman draws like each line's a teeny organism in itself and they all just met up at this moment to form into something worth looking at.

Earthquake!

So there was a big boom and the house shook slightly this afternoon. And this is why, according to the US Geological Survey.

More Cartoon Appreciation Week

And get a load of this sculpture of Rumsfeld by Oliphant! I don't know about you, but it makes me itch to take a big lump of wax and express my feelings for various incumbents and incumbent wannabees, and their henchmen too.

Those in the DC area can get a load of this sculpture in person if they head over to the Stanford in Washington Gallery on Connecticut Avenue near Woodley Park. Along with almost a hundred other Oliphant drawings, prints and sculptures. Go, it's cathartic!

Cartoon Appreciation Week

Well, Cartoonist Day is over for another year and it couldn't happen soon enough for me. But it's allegedly Cartoon Appreciation Week, and to celebrate I'll put up some random cartoonlike things that float my boat and you might like too.


This is by the 19th century French scupltor Jean-Piere Dantan, known as Dantan Jeune, who sculpted many serious portraits of contemporary politicians, artists, writers, musicians, and such. He also did caricatures of them, most of them pretty dang wonderful (though not as fine as Daumier's). This is Hector Berlioz, the great romantic composer who was slightly nuts and had one of the great heads of red hair in history. It's from the book "Dantan Jeune, Caricatures et portraits de la societe romantique". My French isn't so hot, but looking at all the charming little gargoyle heads filling its pages make me wish I knew the first thing about sculpting.

A Very Happy Cartoonist Day

To one and all.

May the Fourth

As I learned last year from my old friend Barchan, today is May the Fourth Be With You Day. Back in 1977 I went to see Star Wars (the first, real, one) on its opening night at the Uptown Theater with a bunch of friends, which establishes my geek cred if there was any doubt. All the shows were sold out, there was a line around the block, and we ended up seeing the added-on midnight show, and some of us appeared in a photo in the Wash Post the next morning of all the geeks in line to see a movie. But we all knew it was an event somehow, and the line was the place to be. The Uptown is still the best theater in DC; it's got a huge screen and a balcony and the blockbusters open there. I've stood on that sidewalk out on Connecticut Avenue for dozens of movies since and nowadays I drag my daughters along, or vice versa.

Each of the subsequent movies in the SW franchise have been another big step down for me, until when the last one came out and I was ready to throw something big and wet at the screen. The above cartoon was drawn before I saw it, but I'd already figured it wasn't going to be much fun. George Lucas will likely spend the rest of his career tinkering with his Star Wars oeuvre, reworking CGI effects and monkeying with the explosions and stuff. Which is fine by me as long as he doesn't make any more crummy movies.

Comic Strip DVD

With the excitement of Free Comic Book Day is behind us, it's time to prepare for the big celebration on May 5th! And May 5th, as we all know from watching all those beer commercials on TV, is Cartoonist Day! At least, I think that's what those beer commercials are talking about; what else could the Fifth of May be?

According to the Cartoonist Day website , the date was chosen because the first comic strip, The Yellow Kid, first appeared in a newspaper on May 5th, 1895. And I believe The Yellow Kid is still running in about 5000 papers worldwide, now drawn by its creator's grandson's second cousin's brother-in-law. And what's more, May 3-10 is Cartoon Appreciation Week! So I urge everyone to spend the week Appreciating Cartoons, and if you see a Cartoonist, give him or her a hearty slap on the back, a big "thank you" and maybe as much change as you can spare. Unless he happens to be the Yellow Kid's creator's grandson's second cousin's brother-in-law.

I'll spend the week posting cartoons, and drawing the g-dd-m miserable things too. This one is drawn from life, as we have a cat named Fred and a mouse somewhere in the house. And that looks a lot like our house, too.

Happy Free Comic Book Day

This is today's Almanack. I like the last one best.

Countdown to Free Comic Book Day Part II: Lo, It Approacheth Ever Closer!!

The excitement is at fever-pitch as we approach Free Comic Book Day 2008, which is of course tomorrow. This cartoon is from last year. Mangaloid Wars X: Giant Spazzoid Zombie Robots Invade! is just about my second favorite thing I've ever written, and if they made a movie of it I'd totally go see it. If only to see Michael Bay's take on Tennessee Williams.

Again, thanks to Mike Rhode.

Countdown to Free Comic Book Day

You can already feel the excitement building as we get closer to Saturday and the nationwide celebration of Free Comic Book Day, or FDCB for short. In honor of FBDC '06, I did this Almanack in, um, 2006. Twelve people probably understood it, but in '07 I did another one on BFDC and thirteen people got that one! This year, if I do a DBFC caratoon, I project an even fourteen readers who'll know what I'm talking about.

And look, you could've gotten a free Little Neuro comic book, just like Petey reads. And who doesn't want to be like Petey? I'll post the Almanack on DCVII '07 tomorrow. And my thanks to Mike Rhode for pulling this off his wall and out of its frame and scanning it for me.

Fun With Anagrams

In the post below about Hogan's Alley magazine I mentioned that it can be anagrammed as Holy Lasagne. To my shame, I got that anagram off of a web anagram generator which, once I typed in "hogans alley", coughed up almost 400 anagrams. I'd never used an anagram generator before, being staunch in my belief that such things should be handmade. But heck, this is a blog, it's not like it's a real job and who has the time to make anagrams for free these days with the price of gas being what it is?

But I remembered this cartoon that I did late in 2001. I found that "Osama Bin Laden" is good for anagrams, though nothing else, and made dozens of them all by hand then picked my favorites and gave them aliases.

And at the time we seemed to've been searching for Bin Laden very hard so I thought this might be of help.

Your Unpleasant Blooms Guide for Spring of Aught-Eight

I've put in all my wild garlic and onion bulbs and the yard is looking just the way I thought it would.

On an unrelated note, how come nobody sings "I'm a Lonely Little Petunia in an Onion Patch" these days?

A Swell Offer!

This Saturday is Free Comic Book Day, that special day when millions of Americans crowd into their favorite comic book store and strip it of merchandise, leaving every spinner rack in the nation empty and forlorn! And here's a special bonus offer from Tom Heintjes, the madcap editor of Hogan's Alley, the nation's premier comic magazine whose name is an anagram for Holy Lasagne.

Take it away, Tom!

"Send us an e-mail ON THAT DATE with your mailing address, and we’ll send you a FREE issue of Hogan’s Alley! No obligations, no strings attached; the only thing it will cost you is several hours as you enjoy the issue. (This offer is valid for all U.S. residents, whether you’re a current subscriber or not.) Remember the one condition--we must receive your e-mail request on Free Comic Book Day, not the day before or the day after."

Tom's email is hoganmag@gmail.com . He's got a two year old daughter, so if you email after 8 p.m. please don't use any exclamation points.

More Old Stuff

This is a coupla years old. It's from a little series where Alice's parents attended back-to-preschool night at Blisshaven Preschool, and her mom found her still awake when they got back. When I redid the series as a daily this part got left out, which was too bad. I like this a lot, the colors are pretty, the acting's good and the situation seems true. What I like about it best is the black background; it was a grey-blue and it looked wrong, so I got mad and inked it all in. And then it looked fine.

Alice's parents do have names, they're Madeline and Peter, but somehow I've never mentioned it.

Today's Poor Almanack

The joke here, if there is one, is that Hillary is posing as the front-runner. Haha!


This Hillary caricature was also posted some months ago so she make look a little familiar. I think I drew it for fun a coupla years back and I've been waiting for a chance to use it since. And I did a Hillary finiger puppet joke last October, but I kinda hated the drawing, so this kills two birds with one stone.


It actually kills a whole flock of 'em, because the first idea I had was to do something like this with Hillary. This one's from about four years ago during a previous exercise in democracy. It's sort of what's called a "wallpaper gag", one where there's a simple repeating image, though this one varies a little. I've also done this with John Kerry and Al Gore, but this one's my favorite, though despite my best efforts the man got elected anyway.

Happy Arbor Day

So I just learned that today is Arbor Day in the state of Virginia. I mean, Commonwealth of Virginia. This is an old drawing I like a lot, and I keep trying to turn it into something bigger, like a watercolor painting, but it's hard to translate something so loose into something more thought-out. Like usual, the stuff where I'm not thinking works best.

Old Strip Until Something Better Comes Along

This is from the Post Mag of a few years ago. I redid it for syndication too, but the watercolor version's prettier. It's poignant, I guess. But I'd really like to know what the cat joke is.