Hurry!

You haven't yet, Little Neuro, but time's running out! Those in foreign lands had better leave soon if they want to make it! Tonight at 7:30 at the Writers' Center in Bethesda. Type writers.org into your window up top for more information, news, traffic and weather.

Did I mention there'll be snacks? Well, there will.

Deadline Disaster Fun-Time Literary Limerick

So my big idea for the Almanack cartoon that's due today fell apart into little pieces and I had to think of something else. Which seems to've turned out OK so far, though it could head south any minute.

Seems like a good time for a Literary Limerick!


Though donnish and quite dignified,
Tom Eliot once versified,
On the greenish-tiled wall
Of a men's restroom stall,
He signed it and then flushed with pride.

Poor Almanack for October 7th

Can you find THIS blog in that mass of tiny dots? Hint- it's 23,476th from the bottom right. Can you find YOUR blog? Other hint- it's between mine and the banjo smashers.

I Need This

A Ceramic Phrenology Inkwell, phrenological areas marked in black, mid 19th century, English, excellent condition. Only 536 English pounds (chicken feed in US$). C'mon, all I got for my birthday was a lousy storm door. And Christmas is coming. Halloween, too.

Phooey on the #*@%ing the Deadlines!

I've still got time to put this up (which I swiped from Jim Borgman, who kindly put it up. When I learn how the scanner works I'll return the favor).

The Post runs a column listing restaurants closed because of health code violations, and I sometimes do one of my own. Because, well, because restaurants are inherently funny, and those closed because of health code violations are funnier still! Until you order the fish ceviche.

Crushing Deadlines of Doom

It's that time of the week again again. And I'd so hoped to share my technique for inadvertantly giving yourself a jailhouse tattoo using only a dip pen, some ink and a moment's clumsiness. Maybe later, but till then please enjoy a drawing of Petey looking beleaguered, as always.

Real Estate

This illustrated a Wash Post Magazine story by the genius polymath Joel Achenbach. Briefly, he hit a bunch of open houses on a Sunday, houses for sale in the DC area, each one of varying price and history. And wrote a great piece on what he saw. The former Nixon house is real, as is the asking price. Kind of a cool looking house, in a morbid, slightly creepy way.

My neighborhood is a mix of old houses from the 30s, 40s & 50s and new monstrosities squatting on land previousley occupied by old houses from the 30s, 40s & 50s. Our house is one of the few on the block that hasn't be at least added on to, and boy does it need adding on to. And a new roof, too. For my birthday I'm getting a storm door on the front entrance, so that's taken care of.

Old Cartoon I Still Like

Here's a cartoon that's about 8 years old that I still like. (I tried to post it earlier; if you're getting a blank space let me know, unless you really prefer the blank space, in which case keep it to yourself. Image swiped from Amazon's Look Inside the Book feature despite their evil spells). I might do a cartoon on Edward Hopper this week as there's a show of his stuff downtown that I have yet to see, and this one sprang to mind as inspiration. Or I could just cross out "Norman Rockwell" and write in "Edward Hopper" and hope no one notices. Don't tell.

Embarrassing Technical Difficulty

Apologies for the blank space that appeared instead of a cartoon in a previous and now-deleted post. The image was swiped off of the Look Inside feature at Amazon, and they've got spells protecting their pages that couldn't be broken. Something better will be posted directly, with an actual image.

Till then please enjoy this lo-res grumpy Alice, our go-to girl for embarrassing technical difficulties.

Late Night Nib Talk: My Favorite Nib

Ooh, lookit that baby! The Hunt #101 Imperial nib, excellent for penmanship, copperplate calligraphy, ornamental work and funny cartoons. With its dual shoulder slits, fleur de lys vent hole, compass, and this thing in the stock that tells time, it's a cartoonist's best friend. Unless, of course, the tip is a little bit askew or there's something wrong with the tines, or it's got a little schmutz in the main slit, in which case it's an evil, twisted, deceitful little monster who'll screw up every drawing it puts its point to, dribble ink down the sheet and break your heart. And you know what the difference between a good nib and a bad one is? It's microscopic! You can't see it! But you'll know it the instant you put the nib to paper. And don't get me started on brushes.

Next on Late Night Nib Talk: how to give yourself an inadvertant jailhouse tattoo.

The Big L

Step #11 is the Important One

People sometimes ask me How Do You Do It? But for some reason nobody makes it past the 45 minute mark of my answer, where it's just getting interesting. So I drew this 20 step tutorial to cover just the basics. Try it yourself, you'll be shocked and disappointed at just how easy it is.

You can find the version with ads here .

Chat 'n Chew

Next Friday, October 12th, I'm giving a talk at the Writers' Center in Bethesda MD at 7:30 pm. It's timed to coincide with the annual Small Press Expo that weekend also in Bethesda (well, White Flint). I'm posting this a week ahead so you can make plans, or cancel the plans you've made and rearrange your schedule. And those of you in Canada or New Zealand might still find available transportation (or maybe you two could carpool). I've got no idea what I'm going to say yet, and the way I mumble you'll not have much idea what I said, but they're good people at the Writers' Center so come on down. Did I mention it's free?

And Bethesda is like Eating Central, with every block crowded with restaurants elbow to elbow . When we were dating my wife lived smack in the middle of it and around 3 in the afternoon you could hang out her window and inhale the smell of all the grills starting up and thousands of dinners being prepared in every cuisine imaginable.


But no place in Bethesda can compare to the Tastee Diner, which has sat on its corner, opened 24 hours a day, for about 70 years. It's where the waitresses stop and chat, call you Honey, and know what you mean when you ask for a one-eyed bacon cheeseburger. And late at night, early in the morning, you'll see a wider cross section of humanity in its booths than you'd think one planet could hold, never mind one diner.

So here's the deal. After the Writers' Center chat, let's head over to the Tastee Diner for some scrapple or a plate of fries with gravy or one of those milkshakes where they bring you the shake in a glass and the silvery pitcher it was mixed up in too, with some extra shake still in it. I'll need one for sure.

Another old drawing

I thought of this about 20 or more years ago, but it took me about ten to get around to drawing it. The original plan was to come up with a bunch of famous quotations and then illustrate them inappropriately, but I got this far and ran out of ideas. Maybe it's time to find some more quotes and give it another shot. Did this Erasmus guy say anything else funny?

Crushing Deadlines of Doom

I need a dingbat to use as a placeholder for when I can't think of anything funny to post because I have to draw a cartoon, and nothing saps you ability to be funny like having to draw a cartoon. So I'm using this, though he'd work better as a plea for money. Which could happen, too. Anybody got anything funny to add? The only actual joke I know goes on forever and I always forget the part at the end where the punchline happens.

Also, anybody got anything stronger than coffee?

Mini Golf

It feels like summer here in Northern VA. So let's play mini golf! Or is it putt putt, I'm not clear on the difference.

This is just another example of me foisting old stuff that 's already on my computer onto you, the discerning yet time-wasting blog reader.

Talk to Nick!

Hey everybody, now's your chance! Go to Washington Post Cartoon Genius Nick Galifianakis's online chat and ask him questions, like: how he does it, what he draws with, how's his dog, what's it like to illustrate an advice column, and would he please teach us some cuss words in Greek? His chat is at 1 pm EST at The Art of Nick .

And ask him about his glamorous globe trotting, his years in Hollywood and about the time he found a rubber sink stopper in his plate of eggs benedict at a fancy restaurant in Virginia. No, don't ask him that, just ask him how he got to be such a dang good artist & writer and when is he gonna do a comic strip?

Still Can't Draw Cheney, Can He?

This is about a year old, but you know, it's really timeless. And I found it on the computer so up it goes! I'm just emptying old drawings onto this thing because nobody saw 'em the first time around. And yeah, the Cheney's still iffy, the Churchill's so-so, but I like the writing. Except there's no N in "symptom".

Walk Like Groucho Day

This is being posted a few hours early, unless you're a few time zones east of here in the middle of the Atlantic. October 2nd is the birthday of Groucho Marx, born Julius Henry Marx in 1890. In celebration, I propose a national Walk Like Groucho Day, to be held on this date annually. Everybody walks like Groucho, or we line 'em up against the wall and Pop goes the weasel!

How do you walk like Groucho? You just squat and scuttle, taking long strides, not as extreme as a duck-walk and not as athletic as a Silly Walk. If you can wear a tail coat that flaps behind you so much the better. I've included this chart which illustrates Newton's 2nd Law of Motion (Force = Mass x acceleration), and shows ground reaction forces measured in various strides and different types of footwear. Please note the looping blue line labeled "Groucho". I'm sure this'll help you a whole lot. The chart was taken from Dr. Chris Kirtley's site Clinical Gait Analysis http://www.univie.ac.at/cga/. (You can't propose a day of national celebration without some kind of scientific & academic support.)

So quick everybody! Squat 'n' Scuttle!

UPDATE:


It's also Wash Post Genius Gene Weingarten's birthday! I detect a theme, and it may not be in the way they walk.

Talking Animals

As today's Cul de Sac features the first syndicated appearance of the guinea pig Mr. Danders, I'd like to talk a bit about talking animals. But I can't think of anything to say except dang, they're fun to draw. If I meet someone around here for the first time and we have the what do you do? conversation and I say, I draw cartoons and they say, which one? I say a couple that appear in the Post and this draws a blank, then they say wait, is it the one with the guinea pig? oh, I love that guinea pig, he's on my refrigerator, in my cubicle, tattooed on my baby's head. Why? It's because everybody loves talking animals, even when they're pompous little things, like Mr. Danders. I've found the key to his character is that nobody calls him anything but "the guinea pig", nobody calls him "Mr. Danders" except for him. It must drive him crazy.