For some reason our internet connection has slowed down in the last few days. Images and stuff take forever to load; it's almost like back in the days of dial-up. At first I thought maybe it was me, maybe I'd suddenly developed super-powers and was moving real fast and everything just seemed slow to my super-reflexes because, you know, it's all about relativity, And that'd be a boon if I wanted to get ahead on my deadlines, which were especially brutal this week, and if I was the Flash I could draw enough strips to last through next Christmas. But it looks like it's just the internet being slow.
I don't think I'd pick super-speed as my super-power. I've always thought the ability to stay awake indefinitely would be the most useful power, or the ability to make someone's foot fall asleep by staring at it, which'd be a hoot at social gatherings. Whatever, the point I set out to make is that I'm not going to post anything real graphicky, with bells & whistles & funny drawings, until the connection gets a little more up to speed. So until then, please feel free to leave a message with a good joke.
So this turtle gets mugged by a gang of snails.
ReplyDeleteHe's beat up pretty bad. The cops show up, and ask the wild-eyed turtle, "Do you remember anything about your attackers?"
"I don't know," the turtle says. "It all happened so fast."
Why are women so bad at math?
ReplyDelete*Holds thumb and index finger apart 3 inches.*
Because men keep telling us this is six inches.
Was chatting on the phone this morning with a customer, a woman of 70 whose house I work on. (Would simply call her "an elderly woman" — except she generally strikes me as younger than a lot of people half her age, like me.) We were talking schedule matters for a little project I'm supposed to start next week, as we've both just lost people yesterday — she a dear friend, I an older relative. Before she lets me go, she says, she has a joke for me, and proceeds to give me the great old bit about the fellow at the ball game whom somebody looking to score a better seat asks about the empty spot next to him. "Oh, that's my wife's seat," he says with a sad look, "You know she always used to come with me to see the game, before she passed away." "And now you come alone — no friend or family member who can come along in her place, I guess?' "No, no — I'm glad for one of them to join me of course. But they're all at the funeral."
ReplyDeleteShe cracks me up!
Oh, I'd definitely take superspeed. Get the projects done faster and then read more.
ReplyDeleteThanks for all your jokes, they're greatly appreciated. Except for Mike, who barely even tried to make a joke.
ReplyDeleteThe most popular joke in our house the last few years is a knock-knock joke, and it's better heard than read. But it goes like this:
Knock-knock.
"Who's there?"
"Interrupting cow."
"Interrupting c-"
"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"-ow who?"
Our internet connection seems ok for now, and in two weeks we're getting FIOS, whatever that is. I think it's like super-speed, and it just makes me tired.